Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
