I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
