Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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