ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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