So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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