Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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