I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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