All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
