I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
