Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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