sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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