My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
