Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
