my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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