I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
