Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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