He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
