Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
