I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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