She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
