he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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