Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
