after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
