Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
