Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize