he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
