Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
