Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
