was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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