Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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