there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So much rum. So many feels.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
