Im at strip club and am horny
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
