If that was your dad, he is hot
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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