I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
