Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
