The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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