So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
people are starting to question the shark bite story
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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