Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize