You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
