mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
