Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
only you would photoshop your dick
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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