Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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