I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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