i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
