So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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