So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
