frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
