he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
