I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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