i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
