A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
