I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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