I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
