Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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