Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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