I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I need moral support for this bender
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
