I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
