Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have feelings that need drinking.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
