"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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