she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
