He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The air taste purple.
Randomize