I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
