She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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