im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Where is the hickey?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Randomize
