bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
