I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
