the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
