Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
