Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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