I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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