The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
