I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
